Why am I having difficulty writing this at the moment?

I am still in Richmond, but Richmond is no longer in me.

Do you know what I mean? Honestly, I don’t even know what I mean but I would like to think that I do. Like, I know Richmond can’t be in me because a whole city inside my body will cause me to expand, which, you know, the skin can only expand so much.

So what do I mean? What does anything mean? Why am I still here? Everything in my body is telling me to leave this city which holds so many of my burdens, mistakes, and, the happiest moments of my life.

Why am I here?

I am here because my heart refuses to give up

No no! Not today, not tomorrow, not even yesterday (get it, because I am still in Richmond when I said I was leaving the city (but, what if, at that point in time, I meant something more than leaving Richmond, it was a strange day))

(Wait, let’s continue with that thought).

(Okay now it’s gone).

I’m not leaving;

I may be in complete turmoil and a little crazy at the moment, but I know myself enough to know that if I leave under a state of duress……… whats the word..

I would being a fucking bitch

No, I refuse to deny my present circumstances, because they are nothing but an illusion.

I will leave Richmond once I knock out this beast, this depression;

I will leave Richmond when the fight is over;

I will leave Richmond when I WANT to leave Richmond.

Pain

This is my life, I am in charge here. My past doesn’t define me and the my future….

My future?

Is MY future.

With Love and Sincerity,

Jose Michael

I am a future 7-time Oscar Winner, better known for my psycho-interpretation films, but I'll retire relatively young, only to continue writing screenplays in a small coastal village in Colombia. I'll allow Directors and Producers to film and produce my post-retirement stories after I pass away. In my will, the royalties will be given to the Mental Health Foundation, which will provide them with just enough money and resources to discover the cure for Alzheimer's. I'll continue winning Oscars after my death, but I will not know how many because it's past my time.

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