If you run now, you will always be running

Why am I having difficulty writing this at the moment?

I am still in Richmond, but Richmond is no longer in me.

Do you know what I mean? Honestly, I don’t even know what I mean but I would like to think that I do. Like, I know Richmond can’t be in me because a whole city inside my body will cause me to expand, which, you know, the skin can only expand so much.

So what do I mean? What does anything mean? Why am I still here? Everything in my body is telling me to leave this city which holds so many of my burdens, mistakes, and, the happiest moments of my life.

Why am I here?

I am here because my heart refuses to give up

No no! Not today, not tomorrow, not even yesterday (get it, because I am still in Richmond when I said I was leaving the city (but, what if, at that point in time, I meant something more than leaving Richmond, it was a strange day))

(Wait, let’s continue with that thought).

(Okay now it’s gone).

I’m not leaving;

I may be in complete turmoil and a little crazy at the moment, but I know myself enough to know that if I leave under a state of duress……… whats the word..

I would being a fucking bitch

No, I refuse to deny my present circumstances, because they are nothing but an illusion.

I will leave Richmond once I knock out this beast, this depression;