So on June 21st, I completed this painting:
Basically the inspiration came from having my bag stolen when I went out to eat some bagels at Nate’s.
But,
luckily,
I left my phone at home because I wanted to hang out with my friends
just, you know
be with them.
My relationship with my phone is getting weird. And I think everyone’s relationship with theirs is also in that stage
My relationship with my phone feels like I’ve been dating someone for years, but we stopped liking each other a year ago, but since we have been together, for so long,
that individual feels comfortable,
but we both know, and won’t admit to ourselves (we cry ourselves to sleep and hide our feelings from each other)
that we are no longer growing together,
but dying together.
It feels like that, BUT LIKE
so much worse lol.
Like,
You phone is designed to attract your attention,
That’s why Instagram is so addicting, it’s designed for you to continue scrolling through the same photos,
(You know you have already seen those photos an hour ago)
and in between are ads
(capitalism)
(by the way, Mark Zuckerberg also studied Psychology in Harvard, so,
watch out lol;
that’s why Snap Chat feels different than Instagram) (my thoughts digress).
The next time you wait in line, I want you to count the number of people just standing around,
being alive,
you will find that,
it’s 0 (maybe 1 or 2).
Everyone is on their phone or has headphones on
Everyone is experiencing life away from the present moment; stalking exes (their ex is now probably (definitely) posting pics to make that person (me) feel jealous), scrolling through Instagram and liking pictures. And,
it’s a weird dance people play when liking pictures,
it’s a selective, virtual courtship,
some people stop liking another person’s picture because that individual stopped liking their’s.
Why do you like someone’s picture?
Be sincere.
(being sincere)
Okay you can stop,
Well, I have a challenge for you.
Leave your phone at home tomorrow
Just for one day!
(1)
and watch how people interact,
you will find that no one is interacting, well, strangers ain’t interacting. And I want you to feel what you feel at that moment?
Everyone is gonna have a different experience
but it’s all the same
After sometime, standing around,
being alive,
your ego, not you,
will make a wonderful reason (excuse) to go home,
and al of a sudden,
*oh, there is my phone*
and the phone will feel like a dangerous fix
(*Just one check? maybe a friend texted* (is my ex dating someone already????????????????))
People will stay on their phone for a longer period than normal after not having their phone for awhile,
Catching up to literally everything, which is unconsciously nothing, like,
if you are reading a book, (this is a little mental exercise)
Think to yourself, what did you read yesterday, really examine it. You can probably picture the story in your head, or can take away some key points that made you a little wiser.
Now, think to yourself, what did you see while scrolling through Instagram yesterday?
Pictures of friends? Probably going out, at a beach (how lovely(are you feeling “fomo” or happy for their much needed vacation?”)).
Did you become a better person? Maybe you follow some fitness models on Instagram that post excellent examples of squatting with perfect form or just their ass angled enough to make their butt bigger than it actually is.
Can people replicate their exercise without going back to consciously watch their actions?
These are my experiences, everyone experiences the world differently.
The point is, my phone is making me feel shallow.
The phone felt like a pacifier.
I tried leaving my phone at home, but I ended up (my god) making some marvelous reason why I should keep my phone on me;
Oh what if there is an emergency?
What if I get stranded in the middle of no where
What if my ex texts me?
what if….
what if?
?
How did people live before cell phones?
Easy
They lived
They got lost, and always managed to find their way back home.
Hold up, my mom is calling me. I am staying at my parent’s place for two weeks
and I left my phone at my place
100 miles away.
(somber moods set in)
(suddenly, a figurative light shines through with enough power to move the thick clouds called depression to the far edges of the sky)
I want to take control of my life.
I want to use my phone as a tool and not allow the phone use me.
It was scary when I left my phone at my place, not like I was terrified,
but my ego was making up great reasons to take my phone with me.
but in reality, they were excuses,
my ego
my depression
is afraid of being disconnected,
but it’s okay to be afraid,
doing things that I am scared to do is called courage.
Let’s see what I can do without a smart phone.
Today is day one,
39 more days to go.
With Love and Sincerity,
Jose Michael Rubio