All names, locations, and any other item that can be identified has been rename, revalued and/or made up, unless it’s personal to me.
so I last worked on this around early July and haven’t touched it since. The only edits I have made here are the names of the individuals. I’ll probably post another entry of a more mature pov, but this pov,
this pov is the Jose that felt the pain of it the day after it was delt.
this is raw, and I refuse to edit something pure.
The quote is by Benjamin, I discovered it in my Franklin Covey Planner,
I gotta get this out of my chest
You know, you sometimes get into a fight with your best friend and they end up not inviting you to some party or event, but over time, that hate simmers and someone approaches the other.
If not, then you two were only fling friends (lol i just made that up)
My college best friend forbid me from attending her wedding as a plus one of another invitee
I was already hurt that I didn’t get invited,
then suddenly happy that someone gave me the chance to see her greatest day,
I was inform of her “Jose is not welcomed at my Wedding,” the same day I was asked to be a friend’s plus one.
The news felt as if an emotional cancer swarmed across my nerves from the depths of my soul.
It’s a kind of pain that transcends time
and I will now stop myself from speaking such pain into existance
Relationship without Benefits
Let’s give her a fake name, Chloe, lovely name
(it’s my bike’s name)
Chloe and I met through a mutual friend in college, lets call her…. lol, (these names are gonna confuse me)
Chloe2, her name is Chloe2,
Chloe used to date a friend I met through Chloe2, named Chad, later became my two time roommate, remember his name. he will show up later.
So I was (am) a helpless romantic then and I have quite a good ear to listen to relationship problems.
I was basically tbe perfect girl’s guy best friend because i didnt (I totally did) wanna fuck them and all i did was listen to their problems and they listened to me cry about a girl.
since I happened to be Chad’s roommate now, they would be friends with benefits and I would be her boyfriend during the day lol.
Everyone thought we were dating, the only thing that made people think otherwise is because I was fucking in love with this girl that wanted nothing to do with me. And, lol, i let everyone know about it.
Okay, I was (still am) a little desperate then and I didn’t know I was suffering from Major Depression due to [I’ll tell you later]
Well, she started, I believe, I think, this was 2012-2013. To date her middle school boy friend, who lived in another state (I won’t say the name, but it’s probably one of the furtherest states that could be away from where we were at in that point of time).
Well, HERE IS THE KICKER.
lol (Now I really wish I had a pen name)
she got pregnant,
I am still trying to sweep through the memories of the past, but, I
Her saying she doesn’t know who the father of her sudden pregnancy
Best Friend Award goes to
Not me lol
Well, I was, at the time,
but not me
We were 90% sure that it was her boyfriend’s (Now fiance), but she couldn’t be sure (People tend to black out when they drink in college). Her boyfriend then scheduled a plan trip to our universality.
Before he arrived,
I went with her the first few times to planned parenthood
and, thats all i remember,
I picked up her boy friend from an airport, from across the state, with Chloe. On the drive back, they made out (Prob did more, I let them have their space)
I let her boyfriend be her boyfriend. lol
wow (a lot of simple and youthful memories are gone)
She didn’t have the baby
and her boyfriend went back where he resided.
And her and I contiued to be best friends.
The rest is a blur, I will not say anything that i think happened, I must be 100% sure. This was 7 years ago.
lol 7 years ago.
Then I dropped out of school because of my major depression, and her and I slowly fell off as she continued to move on with her education.
But we still spoke over the phone
I moved back with my parents, started to work 70 hour work weeks, from 4pm to 4 am at a party city near by.
(LOL I’ll talk about this period of my life another time)
Then i got an invite to her graduation, and I
PLAN TO ATTEND
As soon as I got the invite, I went to manager and said,
“hey, schedule me any day you want for the entire month,
just not this particular weekend, my best friend is graduating.”
my manager said,
Well, guess who got scheduled on those days.
People come and go
Well, things got different,
I thought my apology was sincere.
I truely wanted to be there,
but i guess i didn’t understand the mounmental moment, because, I was like, 21?
and everyone I knew was graduating (except me).
Told her I had to work.
Well, we fell off.
Except for this one time when I was deep in my depression, i think, after working a full time shift and going to school full time at my local community college (i’ll tell you about those times later),
We spoke over the phone and I asked if she wanted to go on a date with me
(lol, honestly, wtf was I thinking (I knew what I was thinking, I thought she was single (I was really and depressed and lonely)).
Welp, she wasn’t single.
ANd shit got really weird then.
Then, after a lot of hard work and blah blah, Ill you about it later.
I graduated community college and went back to the school I dropped out. ANd, when the first person I thought of when came back was her.
We are going to be best friends again.
Idk I guess I didn’t know the implications of my actions because I was naive.
but I saw her at the gym, she knew I was back, and she said she would scan the gym to look for me.
and here we are.
Now she was and still is a super religious individual, her glow was positive.
But there was a wall between her and I.
I was already super anxious because I returned to the university where I made my greatest mistakes.
Well, I didn’t see her again. I tried reaching out to her, but she ether made an excuse or didnt respond.
After a year in, I saw her walking through campus.
(maybe she saw me?)
but, normally, and i mean like ALWAYS, say hi to her.
But i didn’t
I let her walk by,
she continued to walk
lifting her left foot, then her right foot.
Head turned towards the same direction as her movement.
you, know, walking.
“Chloe got engaged!”
I was so happy for her, I remember her talking about who we are going to marry and who this mysterious person was going to be.
We both joked around that we are gonna get married.
the kind of joking around where
like it wasn’t a joke, like it was a fact,
but right now we are both not over our exes so let’s just laugh this off.
I already had a few friends get married, they usually message me on Facebook for my address (hint that you got invited to a wedding).
But time passed
Now i wondered if she asked my roommate for the address since they were friends too then , and she was gonna send like a invitiation for us both
me being fucking naive
But he didn’t get invited.
No one I knew got the invite.
But one person.
Her ex boyfriend, my 2 time former roommate (Yes, Yes!!! i fucking know) was invited.
“Where is Jose’s invite?”
Now he was gonna be his wife’s (yo, i honestly don’t what’s happening in this marriage, they be divorced/seperated, but idk) plus one.
And like, cool, ummm, let’s call my friend’s wife, fuck it, Chloe3
So Chloe3 and I have a weird friendship. Where we are ether best friends or acquaintances, and we both don’t know where we stand
Well, her and I started getting close and good friends. I started going through a CRAZY (Still at) period of my life. Where I dated this woman that made me question my sense of self.
Well, i usually have Chloe, through out these times. But Chloe3 and I started to develop a similar relationship; she would vent about her husband, i try to play the unbiased 3rd party and give her Chad’s point of view, and she would listen to my problems.
Well, I knew she was invited to the wedding.
SO I ask, point blank.
Why did Chloe not invite me to her wedding?
Chloe3 said, “I said the same thing too, literally like, I was there when she was finalizing the invite list, I said “where’s Jose’s invite?”
My ear fucking went on like, FINALLY AND GOD DAMN ANSWER.
Chloe said, “My husband doesn’t like Jose, I think he is too obssessed over me.”
that’s your excuse?
That’s really why I didn’t get the invite.
But you are allowing your ex boyfriend, that I know your husband hates more, to your wedding?
even as a plus one though, still,
BITCH, CHLOE! WTF, THIS IS NOT THE REASON WHY YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME.
YOU DIDN’T INVITE ME BECAUSE
I will remind you of the toughest decision you have ever made.
Well, lol, I said that out loud to Chloe3
After a few months, Chad had to drop being her plus one because of work related reasons.
So she asked me
I was ECSTATIC
I told her, I would only go if Chloe knows and is okay with me going
Because I know my best friend
I know why she didn’t invite me.
well, Chloe3 asked,
“Jose is not welcomed at my party”
Chloe3 told her what I told Chloe3 about the whole abortion thing.
Chloe said I was lying, that I always lie. That she knew this entire time that Chad2 was the dad.
I could have told chloe3 what Chloe said to me years ago.
But I wasn’t hurt by her denial.
I was hurt because I broke her trust
I may be the only person, other than the parties involved, that knew what happened.
What now Jose?
Well, that fucked me up for the entire night.
My whole past with her is tainted.
for some reason, I felt,
I could finally move on from my past.
Everyone that I want to be with me from my past is still here.
I feel lighter and wiser.
Chloe, I love you more than you will ever know, you mean alot to me
you were there for me for the crazyest (LOL I think im currently topping that) period of my life.
May peace be with you and your husband. May you find peace with your past. May we one day, see each other in an unplanned event, and talk about how fucking stupid we were when we were 19, talking about how much we loved our exes
With Love and Sincerity
Jose Michael Rubio